Sunday, April 26, 2009


Hello there

I thought i'd try and keep a blog of traveling updates instead of arsing about sending emails every week to everybody. If you don't know where i am then i'm still in Seoul. I've been teaching English for a year, traveling around here and there and forgetting to keep in touch with people. I've only got four weeks left and then i'll be traveling again. As much fun as Korea is (and it is a lot of fun) there came a point when i decided it was time to move on. I'm just trying to remember when that was.

Maybe it was when one of my students said, "Teacher? Do you like jam?"? Or when the same kid the next week said, "Teacher? Do you have penis?"? I can only hope these two questions are in no way related.

Was it when i went skiing and saw a man wearing a hat that said, "My dipstick needs lipstick"?

Perhaps it was the conversation with another student that went something like this,
Me: Okay, homework time.
Student: Teacher, i don't like homework.
Me: Well, i don't like you.
Student: Teacher, 1Q, 2Q, 3Q.....

Maybe it was when i went hiking up one of the many and popular mountains here and was stopped by two middle aged men who asked me if i was French. When i told them i wasn't but i was English they told me that an English teacher in Korea earns 6000 dollars a month and fucks a different woman every other night. When i told them that also wasn't true they insisted on asking me how many women i'd had sex with in the past year. When i told them i was going to stop talking to them and continue my hike they seemed both surprised and disappointed.

Was it the time when i got so drunk i couldn't remember being almost run-over by a taxi but during the same night could i remember vomiting from one that was moving? I can only hope the two taxis weren't related.

Maybe it was when i thought going to the Korean style sauna/bathhouse was a perfectly normal thing to do and wasn't phased at all when i jumped in a huge cold bath after sitting in a steam room to be greeted by a naked middle-aged Korean man who simply said, "Brrrrrrrrrr!"

Perhaps it was the time when i got drunk on a beach with a German guy, or sang so much karaoke i lost my voice.

Or when i almost shit my own pants on a bus and had to run across a car park and had to crap in a urinal or the time i watched a live baseball game for hours and pretended to know what was happening.

Or when i hiked up a mountain on New Years Eve and nearly froze my arse off but was saved by four nice men and some noodles.

Or the time my work was bought by a man who can't speak English and started telling everybody what to do (i work at an English academy so it's a bit like working in a restaurant and taking orders from a man with no mouth).

Or when a complete stranger standing next to me at a pedestrian crossing waiting for the green man suddenly turned to me, stared right in my face and proudly said, "It's a beauuuuuuuutiful day." And then just continued staring even though i agreed with him. Eventually, the lights changed. He was right though. It was sunny.

Actually, no, it's none of that. It's simply that my contract is about to finish, my working visa will expire and i've got enough money to pack a bag and visit some new countries again. The plan is to go from Japan to England without getting on a plane. I'm spending a couple of months in Japan and then heading through China, central Asia and eastern Europe. It might work.

I'll write another update before i get a ferry to Japan which will be in exactly four weeks. I guess if you really like me you can bookmark this page or something and if you don't like me then you probably didn't even read this far so it doesn't matter anyway.

Have fun. See you soon.


  1. I wonder how long you will stay sane in China?

  2. Let the games begin, Mr Monkey